The Fun, Small World of ReligionPosted: February 12, 2013 | |
I know I said I wouldn’t publish anything for a while. But I think religion is a funny thing that’s worth writing about, especially with the news that the Pope will remove his hat on February 28.
Catholicism is like a corporation. God, the owner of the world, smokes something that releases white smoke and thus elects a CEO to run one of his many companies: Pope Benedict the Umpteenth. The Pope does all of his papal duties, including sitting on a golden throne worth 10 years of food for 80,000 starving people, allowing his priests to have sex with young boys, and making people praise him for “serving” God. After a while of spritzing holy water on religious crowds, this CEO resigns from his holy position without the “approval” of the very one who elected him in the first place.
“Dear God, thank you for electing me, but I think I’ve had enough of popeing around. Honestly, I don’t really care what you have to say about my resignation, because it’s not about you – it’s about me, and I’m getting too old for this shit. Amen.” – Pope Benedict XVI
Religion is a man-made thing and it’s no better than the corrupt, greed- and fear-driven, money-making, slave-employing corporations that run and have been running our society for the past couple of thousands of years.
“You can’t serve God and Mammon, you idiot.” – Jesus Christ
This isn’t news to anyone, but religion has done so much wrong in its entire history. Sure, Christians build houses for the poor in Africa, but you don’t have to be a Christian to do that. Wrapping those acts of kindness in the cloth of religion subtly implies that if you don’t build houses for the poor in the name of religion, then you are morally misguided – here, pay ten bucks for spiritual advice from a holy man who beats his wife. Trust me, it’s fine, he’s a religious priest after all.
Contrary to popular belief, Jesus wasn’t an advocate of religion. He came to abolish it because he saw how screwed up it all was. He saw that people would settle for anything as long as it benefited their selfish desires (James 3:16 is an interesting verse). After 2,000 years, nothing has changed! We’re so independent of God but we’re so dependent of religion, because we make the assumption that God can’t do anything for us, but at least we get free* coffee and a nice musical performance from the worship band when we attend church on Sunday.
With this conception of the fun, small world of religion, the religious people will laugh at all the spiritually empty atheists who don’t have the privilege of serving God by praising the Pope for sitting on a golden throne, which was probably handmade by an agnostic.
*Only applies to some churches