This Man Accidentally Broke Two Bottles Of Wine In A Store… What He Does Next Won’t Blow Your Mind!!!

17th March, 2015.

6:54 PM, St. Ingbert, Germany.

Wine

The Inspiration Avenue Press managed to get a shot of the incident shortly after it happened.

A clearly distressed 23-year-old man made his way to the local grocery store to purchase some essentials for his subsequent Saint Patrick’s Day party at 7 PM. Repeatedly glancing at his shopping list, which consisted of milk, two bottles of wine, and canned tuna, he quickly snaked his way through the aisles in a routinely fashion.

After picking up an entire liter of whole milk in the dairy aisle, he darted to the alcohol section and immediately found the wine he was looking for. Anxious to make it out of the store before 7 PM, he grabbed two bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and was just about to make his way to the canned food section when he accidentally bumped his leg against one of the stacked beer crates. The two bottles slipped out of his hand and shattered on the tiled floor, leaving a puddle of alcohol mixed with glass shards.

The man, obviously annoyed at the current situation, paused for a second to contemplate his options. He could call for the janitor, clean it up himself, or grab two new bottles and ditch the scene. Realizing he only had a few more minutes to finish his grocery shopping and make it back home before having to host a party with guests who have no Irish blood whatsoever, the man decided to grab two new bottles and ditched the scene.

On his way to the counter, he rushed by the canned food section and snatched a single can of tuna and proceeded to check out. Luckily, nobody was standing in line. Due to the guilt of breaking two wine bottles, the man tried his best to avoid direct eye contact with the cashier, and without saying a word, he hurried out of the store with his party essentials and rushed back home just in time to host his Saint Patrick’s Day party.

Disclaimer: Fiction.

How To Spend Your Saturday Well

Saturday

Happy 14th of February. Today is a special day because it is a Saturday. In many cases, it is the one day of the week where you can sleep in hella late as well as go to bed at an unreasonable hour and not have to work the next day. Speaking of work, Monday is many, many hours away. So you needn’t worry about that right now. Just enjoy this finite time of seemingly infinite freedom.

Even though today is Saturday and you have all of the reasons not to get out of bed and instead just watch Netflix and eat pancakes all day, I should at least encourage you to make an effort of getting out of bed and preferably getting dressed, too. That way, you can eventually step outside of your home and greet the world with dignity. Going outside to get some fresh air is always a wise thing to do, even on a Saturday.

Furthermore and more importantly, I should encourage you to do at least one nice thing for at least one person today. Pay for someone’s lunch, leave a good tip, or do something nice that isn’t related to money, like spending some quality time with something that isn’t a screen, like your parents or your friends or, for those who are up for a challenge, your notoriously loud neighbor. Unless you have to call them on Skype or something, which, I mean, fine.

Doing good things to other people is mutually beneficial, because they’ll be happy, and you’ll be happy, too, because your conscience will tell you, “Hey buddy, that was super nice of you,” and you’ll think to yourself, “Hey thanks, conscience!” Apparently, that’s kind of the science of happiness: if you want to be happy, do nice things to others.

But you know what, you should consider doing something nice for someone on every Saturday. Perhaps not every day, though, because if everyone did that, people would probably be too happy, and that’s not good, because then we wouldn’t have societal progression that originates out of dissatisfaction, like the Occupy Wall Street movement, or this new thing called #nogreynoway where people are standing up to that new porn movie that’s playing in cinemas all over the world.

With all of that said, do the world the curtesy of being nice to others and thus having a great Saturday.

I’m Going on Tour in Germany!

You know what would be cool? If there was some kind of event where young people could come together, listen to good live music, hang out, and talk about life. Perhaps during this event, someone interesting could give a short talk about something innovative or inspiring, like how to revolutionize internships, how to run a car on nothing but water, or how to turn on your friend’s shower.

Furthermore, during this event you could meet other young people who have all kinds of ideas and talents, ranging from music to design to finances to sports. You could do collaborations (even just on Instagram or whatever), start projects (like this one I did with my high school friends), or create events like that yourself. Because, really, all you need is a crazy idea and a few good friends in order to turn the world upside down.

Such an event would be totally versatile because all you need are people, live music, and inspiring ideas, so it could be done virtually anywhere; in schools, living rooms, bars or coffee shops, churches, concert halls, whatever.

Starting April 2015

Starting April 2015

So guess what. Since this sounds like something I would attend, I’ve teamed up with two excellent, professional musicians, Dustin Dooley and Manuel Meyer, and we’re gonna make it happen. This new project is called Born in Concert and we’ll be going on tour doing what I just described (playing music and hanging out with you), and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be the party. Right now we’re planning a Germany tour, which will kick off in April. We’ll be posting tour dates soon, so stay tuned for that.

Now here’s the thing: we don’t really want to make new fans; we’d rather make new friends. So if this sounds like an event you’d like to host in your living room, your school, your church, or your favorite bar, don’t be shy and contact me at jansimson10(at)gmail(dot)com or hit up Dustin at www.dustindooley.com.

Perhaps we’ll see each other soon. Until then, keep browsing the Internet or whatever it is you kids do these days.

I Wrote and Published a Book About Alternative Education

Jan Simson Education BookIt may seem as though I have published a post again, which is the case indeed. I have been in hiatus for the past couple months mainly because I was busy starting a company and publishing books, including my own work titled, We Need a Completely Different Kind of Education, which is a book about, you know, salad.

Perhaps I should tell you a little bit about this book, because the whole point of this post is to raise awareness for the fact that this book 1. exists, and 2. is available for your reading pleasure.

This whole thing started in 2011, just before graduating high school. Many of my friends told me, “Dude, I have no idea what I’m gonna do with my life. I don’t even want to know what I want to study!” I thought, “You know what? There should be a solution to this massive problem.”

Naturally, I decided not to go to college after high school, and thought to myself, “Well gee, Jan, what do you do?” So I made a list of my talents and interests (writing, business, music, etc.) and got in contact with professionals who were working in those areas. After having worked with and learned from many different companies around the globe, I figured that I’ve been put through a crash course of my aforementioned fields of interest.

Krabby Patty

For example, I learned that every business has a business secret. The Krabby Patty Secret Formula, Coca-Cola’s recipe, who sells, who buys, when, where, and how.

I was fortunate enough to work with people who gave me those secrets. One of the CEOs with whom I worked, let’s call him Albert, told me, “Nobody would do this. No sane owner of a successful company would give his business secrets to a 19-year-old.”

But Albert did it anyway because he knew something I’m about to tell you.

As far as I’ve dared to venture in my journey of understanding the world I live in, I’ve come to a slightly depressing conclusion at first, but then I discovered that there is practical, tangible hope.

Alright, I’m about to get all brooding and philosophical up in here, so buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, because Kansas is going bye bye.

Cypher Matrix

Dat Matrix reference doe

Basically, I realized that the world is run by a combination of three elements: greed, fear, and ego. Greed for more, fear of losing what you have, and trying to push your agenda over someone else’s. You can see it everywhere. In politics, sports, music, media, economics, business, and also in education. The only way to combat this virus is to infect the world with an anti-virus. Albert has understood that the only way to do it is to be selfless.

It’s not about getting rich or famous. It’s about people.
– Jonathan E. Mule

Fact remains that these Alberts selflessly shared their knowledge, wisdom, and secrets with me, because they cared more about my potential than their success. Fact continues to remain that this enabled me to learn what I wanted (and needed) in order to do what I was made for without having to pay an average of $200,000 over a period of four years. In fact, I lived in their homes for free, got invited to company dinners for free, and got to study business, writing, and music for free, and did all of that in just five months. Seemed like a good deal. And it was.

This speed-education, if you will, not only turned out to be fast. It was extremely efficient as well. After my time with these companies, I wrote an email to some friends who were studying business in college and told them about the stuff I learned, and they wrote back to me saying, “Um, we didn’t get that far in our class yet.”

Enter scene: Epiphany.

If I did this, others can, too! How do I enable others to have this alternative education opportunity?

So I decided to do some research and dive into the world of traditional as well as alternative education. Eventually, I ended up with enough information to write a book about it. So that’s what I did.

In this book, We Need a Completely Different Kind of Education, I talk about how the current education system will not prepare you to do what you were made for. Instead, it will prepare you to work for someone who wants to expand their financial empire, and, if you’re lucky, you might get to play a role in form of an employee, which means you get a small slice of the pie, commonly known as salary.

Obama

I really don’t believe that, “work and earn, pay taxes and burn,” should be the mantra for every human being, even though that is exactly what the current education system caters to. Doing that for roughly 50 years isn’t much of a life. Kind of sounds like modern slavery to me. You invest so much money and time into your education only to invest more time and effort into a potential job with which you might not even be able to pay back your college debt. You know what that is? Harsh.

But as I’ve said before, there is tangible hope. There is an alternative. I know that it exists because I did it myself. Through it, I learned how to talk to people on the phone, which, as everybody knows, is something millennials are deathly afraid of. I also learned how to create electronic music, how to start a business, how to make good coffee, and how to design book layouts. I even learned how to trade on the stock market, which is, for a very interesting reason, something they don’t teach you in high school. But you can read more about that in the book.

In We Need a Completely Different Kind of Education, I go into much more detail about this self-sustainable, multiplicable, cost efficient, and extremely simple alternative to traditional education. One of the coolest things about it is that you can apply it anywhere you are. It’s not bound to a classroom, it’s not bound to application forms, contracts, spreadsheets, or expensive textbooks.

So if you’re vaguely interested in getting yourself a copy, you can head over to www.simsonmedia.com and make a decision. There is also an e-book version available, which you can get if you click right here. If you would like a signed copy, you can specify that when you place your order.

At this point I’d like to thank you for your support, your positive responses, and your encouraging words. It has been quite a ride so far, but it looks like it has actually just begun.

What It’s Like To Play Football In Brazil

After 10 days in Brazil, I’m back home in Germany where the butter is unsalted. What a week and a half it has been. Let me tell you more about it.

The whole thing started back in January when some friends and I decided to go to Brazil for the FIFA World Cup. But we didn’t want to go to Brazil with a consumer mindset, trying to make it a “good experience” for ourselves by watching games in the stadiums. Many of the poor population in Brazil were forced to relocate so that there would be room for the stadiums of which Brazil built twelve, even though eight would’ve been enough. So we wanted to do something for the people of Brazil. Mainly for the impoverished youth in the favelas of São Paulo. That’s when we started Project São Paulo.

Project São Paulo is a football tournament for the youngsters in one of Brazil’s largest favelas. We thought that they should have a chance to enjoy the World Cup as well, and not dwell on the fact that FIFA took away their homes. We worked together with seven local ministries who helped bring together eight under-15 football teams. For five days, they battled for the championship in the heat of the Brazilian winter.

One of the two turf fields.

One of the two turf fields.

The favela, called Vila Missionária, has two turf fields, which are owned by the local drug lords. So we had to get permission from them to use the fields for the tournament. These guys are members of the Primeiro Comando do Capital (PCC), which is the largest Brazilian criminal organization. They’re known for some really brutal things that I won’t mention here. But for some reason, they were totally excited to give us the fields and they said:

We love your project, and we want to support it 100%. If you need any help from us, we’re right here. And don’t worry, if someone harms you, we’ll take care of them. You are protected.

We had security guards by the fields who kept an eye out for us, and they didn’t look like police officers. So I guess they were PCC guys. But they kept us and the players safe.

I was assigned to the eventual sixth place holders of the tournament. My team may have not consisted of the best footballers, but according to a quick study I conducted, they were statistically the chillest, coolest, and funniest teenagers in all of Brazil. I taught them how to pass and move, they taught me how to dance. I taught them how to sing “We Will Rock You” and they taught me how to dance. I taught them how to respect each other, how to keep your chin up after a loss, and how to play strategically. And they taught me how to dance.

My group of Neymars and Ronaldinhos.

My group of Neymars and Ronaldinhos.

I also learned enough Portuguese to make a fool of myself in front of my guys, but that was alright because not one of them could pronounce my name correctly. My names were Ian, João, Jo, and Gringo. They challenged me to a little game they call rolinho in which you try to pass the ball through another player’s legs as many times as possible. I successfully rolinhoed all 14 members of my team in a training session, after which they dubbed me Gringo Pelé. What an honor.

Another thing that’s worth mentioning is that Vila Missionária has a large drug trade. You could always smell the distinct odor of marijuana wherever you were. However, one day during the tournament, one of the local drug dealers came up to one of our tournament leaders and said:

The drug trade has gone down 80% because of what you guys are doing here.

You’d think that the drug dealers would be upset about this statistic because we were basically reducing their income, but they were super stoked about the fact that less people were taking drugs, because they know that the drugs are destroying their community.

A total of 130 kids attended Project São Paulo, and my friends and I got to interact with them and change some lives. It was just an idea we had seven months ago, and now it has turned into an annual tournament with players and coaches from all over São Paulo. Some teams have even started to do weekly training sessions at Vila Missionária. And some of these kids are really good at football, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of them get scouted and signed by professional teams in the area.

After the tournament was over, the Project São Paulo team played against the tournament’s best players, coaches, and a few other Brazilian players. I scored the first two goals and assisted twice. The Project São Paulo team went on to beat the tournament MVPs 6:4.

Part of the Project São Paulo team. From the left: Ian, Eric, Josh, Trey, Mike, Jan, and Stefan.

Part of the Project São Paulo team. From the left: Ian, Eric, Josh, Trey, Mike, Jan, and Stefan.

So now I’ve played football with Germans, Brazilians and Americans. The Germans play strategically and rather slow, trying to build up the play from the back. The Brazilians play with the flow of the game and are insanely creative with their dribbling and passing, so you never really know what to expect. The Americans are good at… never giving up.

A few days after Project São Paulo had ended, some of us were invited to play against some footballers on an indoor court. That’s where the Brazilian magic happens. We lost the first few games but slowly got used to the pace and style of play, and eventually we beat the best teams 3 times in a row. The Gringos know how to joga bonito.

Shortly after that, we played against some semi-professional footballers on a full size turf field in São Paulo. I got to play center midfield, my favorite position, and I got two assists in a 4:3 win. One of Yugoslavia’s ex-national players, who is now a licensed FIFA coach, watched the game and congratulated us on our performance. It was a good day.

The Rio de Janeiro FIFA Fan Fest

The Rio de Janeiro FIFA Fan Fest

We also got to go to Rio de Janeiro for two days and walk on the Copacabana and attend Rio’s massive Fan Fest. We witnessed USA’s loss to Belgium and saw Ruud Van Nistelrooy sitting in a van by the Christ Redeemer.

All in all, it was an unforgettable trip. I have amazing friends with whom I made crazy awesome memories. I’m glad I got to be an older brother to the kids in São Paulo. Thanks for the all the support and I hope I get to go back to the land of football in the near future.

#ProjectSaoPaulo

Project Sao Paulo

Hey guys! I’m doing something cool for the FIFA World Cup 2014 in Brazil. It’s a football tournament for the impoverished youth of São Paulo. In order for us to do this project, we need your help. Find out how on Indiegogo – Project Sao Paulo.

If you don’t have the coin, then you can contribute by sharing the Indiegogo link on Twitter and Facebook, or by sending a video of yourself doing something awesome with a football to projectsaopaulo@gmail.com, because guess what, we’re making a 30-minute documentary out of it, and your video might get featured.

You can follow #ProjectSaoPaulo on Twitter and on Facebook.

For more information, visit www.projectsaopaulo.com.

Let’s do this!

Millennials

A few days ago, I woke up with a terrifying realization:

I am a millennial.

Do you know what a millennial is? Even if you do, it won’t stop me from explaining it anyway. A millennial is someone who was born anywhere between the early 1980s and the early 2000s. I was born in 1992, so I’m pretty much right in the middle of it all.

Why was this a terrifying realization?

Well, millennials are notorious for their narcissism, selfishness, laziness, and entertainment addiction. In fact, pseudo-scientists have recently created a formula that can accurately assess how narcissistic a millennial is, based on the amount of selfies taken per hour.

N=S/h

Vermeer Selfie

In his TEDxSF talk, Scott Hess talks about the five milestones in every twenty-something’s life:

  1. Complete school
  2. Leave home
  3. Become financially independent
  4. Marry someone
  5. Have a child

And here are some statistics about the matter:

  • In 1960, 77% of women and 65% of men have reached all five goals before hitting 30.
  • In 2010, 13% of women and 10% of men have reached all five goals before hitting 30.

As you can see, there is a drastic decrease in the percentage, which speaks for the fact that millennials are lazy indeed.

Except me; I’m a hard worker.

– Every millennial

And I’m one of them. How great.

Young baristas at coffee shops, cashiers, and waiters and waitresses have a bad reputation for being annoyed by the arrival of new costumers whom they have to serve. In this short clip, Louis C.K., an American actor and comedian, states that 20-year-olds “haven’t done anything for anyone, ever,” mainly because young people have just been consuming “education, food, love, and iPods,” and have nothing to offer the world.

But you know, we are treated like children up until we go to college, and then suddenly we are supposed to behave like adults. What kind of human is capable of switching from childhood to adulthood over summer break? How are we supposed to be mature adults capable of dealing with the hardships of life, when just a few weeks ago, we had to ask our teachers if we could go to the bathroom?

There are hardly any parents who initiate their children into adulthood once they reach that age. Most of us have to figure it out on our own. Some people may argue that this helps us become independent, but you can’t deny that we are known for being emotionally fickle and irresponsible, and not primarily independent.

The face of a fickle, irresponsible millennial

The face of a fickle, irresponsible millennial, who succumbed to the pressures of fame and fortune

My generation seems to be full of people who want to be understood and accepted. But more than that, they want to do something significant. It’s the same with every generation. And the older people will always think the younger people are crazy.

“I can understand why the youth perceives us, their life predecessors, as hypocrites; we smoked pot when we were young, and now we get mad at our children for smoking pot as well.” – Jonathan E. Mule

Also known as the YOLO Generation, Generation Y, or the Swag Generation, millennials are actually deep thinkers. Contrary to popular belief, these young people are asking great questions to which authority figures don’t have the right answers. Young people are used to hearing unsatisfying responses such as, “That’s just the way things are,” or, “You can’t do much about that.”

In turn, young people don’t see these figures (teachers, parents, employers, etc.) as people with authority, which is precisely why teenage rebellion is so common in the West. We’re the ones who stand in the front of protests. We have the zeal and the energy to change things, because we have realized that there is something wrong with the world. So what kind of a kick in the nuts is a statement such as, “You can’t do much about that”?

Obviously the world isn’t offering us a mission worth our while. So we make our own missions: how many bottles of vodka can you chug before passing out? Is it possible to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon powder? Can you climb to the top of the One World Trade Center and B.A.S.E. jump off it?

How far can I go?

We love to push our limits. And the older generation scoffs at it, thinking we are irresponsible, entertainment-addicted narcissists. But in reality, we just haven’t found a mission worth our while, so we settle for superficial stuff like coning, planking, and twerking. Then we post it on Vine, Facebook, and YouTube, get millions of views, and become famous for something trivial.

swag

We’re idle because we have no mission, not because we love being idle. So wouldn’t it be absolutely fantastic if someone gave us something crazy to do? Something meaningful. Not a job, but a mission. We need it. We need to lock eyes with a vision that is bigger than ourselves. Something so extraordinary that entire governments have to change their focus from spending money on prisons and military to supporting its own youth and their innovative projects. Young people rallied together for Kony 2012 and Occupy Wall Street all over the world. Isn’t that a clear indication?

“You can’t just go about your life with such lofty ideas. Life is hard work. You first have to complete school, leave home, become financially independent, marry someone, and have a child. Once you have your life together, when you’re more mature and experienced, around the 30 year mark or so, then we can talk about changing the world.”

Haha.